I’ve often reflected on why I tend to attract and support clients who are a decade, sometimes two, older than me.
Not from a place of inferiority. Not from a “can I do this?” kind of energy. But more from curiosity. I’ve wondered what that is. What it speaks to. And why it’s been such a consistent pattern throughout my entire business journey. It’s something I learned early on and something I still stand by today:
Emotional maturity isn’t determined by age. It’s determined by your level of self-awareness.
And I’ve met plenty of 60-year-olds who, quite honestly, don’t hold a lot of emotional maturity.
You can feel it in the way they speak.
The way they respond.
The way they listen. Or don’t.
We live in a time where age doesn’t hold the weight it used to.
It doesn’t determine much anymore.
That’s not to disregard the value of age or lived experience because I do believe that with age comes wisdom. That’s real. That’s valid. I love learning from women older than me, younger than me, my age, all of it. But I don’t believe age alone is what shapes someone’s ability to hold space, lead, or create impact.
There are a few things I know to be true:
Your experience shapes who you are.
And you do, to an extent, determine what you do with those experiences.
I’ve experienced things in my life that many people older than me haven’t. That’s not good. It’s not bad. It’s just… truth. It’s indifferent.
But I’ve been committed to internal work from a young age.
I’ve been in business for over 6 years.
I’ve been in a relationship for 10.
I’ve walked through cancer with my partner.
I’ve experienced deep loss, illness, and death and the kind of pain that changes the way you see the world.
I understand what it means to lose something.
And I understand what it means to gain something too.
I definitely don’t know everything.
And I hope I never do.
But what I do have is perspective.
What I do hold is depth.
And what I know is that I have a natural ability to connect with people, deeply.
Intelligence has always been my superpower.
But like most superpowers, it’s also my greatest flaw.
I’m not a perfect human. I don’t claim to be. And even though I try to be, I know I never will be.
I’m flawed. Just like you.
But safety?
That’s something I’ve mastered.
I know I’m a safe person. I notice it in everyday life. In how people speak to me. What they tell me. What they don’t say to anyone else, but somehow feel okay saying to me.
If you’re a coach, mentor, facilitator, or service provider you probably get this. There’s a certain energy you carry that makes people feel like they can open up.
It’s a gift.
But it also comes with responsibility.
Because when you’re the person people feel safe with, you often become the ground they dump on.
The vault they confide in.
The space they project onto.
And when you’re emotionally capable, that voice inside says,
“I can hold this. I should hold this. I have space. So why wouldn’t I give it?”
But that’s where boundaries come in. Because just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I’ve had to learn this, over and over. Especially the part where I tied my worth to being needed instead of being wanted. If someone needs me, I feel important. If they don’t? I used to question my place. My value. My relevance in the relationship.
That’s been a big thread in my personal work, learning to feel worthy without being needed.
And that’s part of what makes this worth talking about. Because the reason I attract women of a certain maturity isn’t just by chance, it’s who I’m being. It’s how I hold myself. It’s the energy I lead with. It’s the depth I speak to.
You attract who you are, not what you want.
And you’ll always meet people where they’re at.
That’s not about age.
It’s about energy.
Awareness.
Safety.
Alignment.
I’ve had women message me and say,
“How can you be this confident, this young?”
But I don’t think confidence has anything to do with age. I think it has everything to do with practicing within your scope.
Owning your lane.
Refining your craft.
For example many of my clients are mothers, wives, navigating divorce, navigating parenting, family dynamics all things I haven’t personally experienced.
I’ve never had children. I’ve never been married. But I support them deeply through the nuance of those things. Because it’s not just the shared experience that makes someone safe, it’s their ability to hold space for yours. And no, I will never try to coach someone on how to parent. That’s not my lane. That’s not my job.
But can I support a woman in who she’s becoming through motherhood?
Absolutely.
Can I hold space for the parts of her that are rediscovering themselves?
Absolutely.
Because it’s not about being relatable in the traditional sense. It’s about being able to meet her in what she’s living through without needing to make it about you.
That’s the work.
That’s the difference.
You will expand people in ways far outside of the metrics you think you need to meet. And you’ll always be a mirror for who you are not how old you are, or how “qualified” you believe yourself to be.
Age does not make you superior.
It’s not the metric.
Self-awareness is. And it always will be.
With love
– Riley
